Natalie is MINE!

I've always known I was the Natalie Portman Guru.

Video Chat w/ David Duchovny

Love Californication? Check out this Q&A session w/ David Duchovny as he fills us in on all things Season 3, and the upcoming Season 4.

Obama releases new government pills, guaranteed to make everyone FEEL GOOD!

Check out this http://bit.ly/6itSAH!!! It's the newest addiction to pharmaceutical drugs in the new Obama Universal Health Plan! That's right, now the same ecstasy available to the president, and all members of Congress, is available to you!!! It comes straight from your tax money!

The Bahermin Strikes Again!

So I had a pretty random conversation with Bahermin today, and this is how it went--I honestly hope someone was fucking with me and logged into his account for a bit of fun. CreeEeeEEeEeeepy!

Traci Lords is following me?

I don't have too many followers on Twitter, but I do have the real deal Traci Lords! You can follow me too, just go to www.twitter.com/jhny_drko. Thanks!!!

Two Tickets (a play writing exercise for English 205, Creative Writing)

ACTORS:

Alee –cute girl, very proper. Also, she's in to music. (Narayah Lowechin)

Chester –a lazy slacker, serial pickup artist from the block (Johnathan K. Johnson)

Marlene –from El Salvador, a former model/gangster rap video girl (Camille Woodward-Brown)

Bee –a wise old woman, aka "Nasty Bitty" (Aida Prieto)

 

SETTING:

A quiet bus stop in the afternoon.

 

Act 1

 

Alee: (waiting at the bus stop alone)

Chester: (walking up) Hey there sweet heart.

Alee: (smiling) Hi how are you?

Chester: You know I don't see too many beautiful ladies at this bus stop. Usually, it's just nasty old bitties.

Alee: (laughing) Oh wow! That's funny, but we all get older one day.

Chester: Don't remind me of all that. Let me just enjoy you right now, okay? So what is your name?

Alee: It's Alee.

Chester: Hi, my name is Chester. (grinning) So what are you doing in this area?

Alee: Well I'm on my way to the radio station to pick up my free tickets for the Aerosmith concert.

Chester: You won them? Wow that's awesome! I love their music!!

Alee: Have you seen them before live? This is my third time seeing Aerosmith. They're great performers and I have loved their music since I was a child.

Chester: So are you taking anyone?

Alee: Well I've never gone to a concert alone, but the person I wanted to take can't make it.

Chester: Aw that's no fun! You should have someone who can enjoy it with you. (making motions to himself)

Alee: Well I know I just met you, but since I don't have anyone to take to this show. You wanna go tomorrow night?

Chester: Damn! Absolutely! Those are probably the hardest tickets to get right now, and you want to take me?

Alee: Well, I certainly wouldn't be wasting them if I was sharing them with a guy like you.

Chester: Alright! Okay! How hard was it to get those tickets? You must really be a fan to call that many times to win the tickets.

Alee: You're right. I was calling almost all day yesterday, and I am a HUGE fan. Before my momma died, she used to play their records all the time. She has loved them since she's been my age. She told me how my grandpa used to yell at her all the time for playing their music. He used to gripe about anything my mother listened to; he said it wasn't becoming for a young woman to listen to rock n' roll. But then grandpa came around. Soon grandpa and ma were listenin' to 'em together. Right before I was born, my grandpa went with my mom to her first Aerosmith concert. All the other girls were going with dates, but it was mom and gramps headin' to the concerts together. You ever gone to a show with your mom or dad?

Chester: (fading attention) uhm… oh, nope. (watching someone come in from off stage, Marlene starting to approach from off-stage.)

Alee: (ignoring his distraction and continuing on) Well, that's why I wanted to get these tickets in the first place. I wanted to bring Gramps to another show. But he's not as active as he was back then. He doesn't think he'd be able to handle the rough crowds for an entire concert, and he told me not to waste good tickets on old bones like him. I think he's sweet for saying I should get a date instead, but something tells me he's missing my mom a little, too. Ya know?

Chester: yeah… uh-huh.

 

Act 2

[Another girl walks in, and Chester loses interest in Alee and directs all his attention to Marlene.]

Chester: (slyly to girl #2, Marlene) Hey there… uhm, you know what time the next bus gets here?

Marlene: (with a flirty smile back) It'll be in like ten. You headed downtown, too?

Alee: (words interrupting the other conversation she doesn't know is taking place) So that'll be great, we'll meet there a little before the show. You know the place I'm talking about?

Chester: (ignoring Alee) I'm going where you're going girl.

Marlene: (giggling) You're corny, but you're really cute, too.

Alee: (a little irritated) uhm, excuse me. Over here!

Chester: (to Alee) Uh oh, my bad. Right, hold on one second. (to Marlene) Sorry, this is my friend Alee, and I'm Chester. (to Alee) look, here's my number, call me before the show. (to Marlene) you think I can get your number sweetheart?

Marlene (enjoying pissing off another girl), yeah, here you go. My name is Marlene, and my number is… (whispers numbers to him, he writes it down on paper.)

Alee: (stands looking pissed off holding Chester's number.)

Chester: What time did you say it was again?

Alee and Marlene: (in unison, and Alee is obviously pissed at Marlene) Ten minutes.

Chester: (looking nervous) Oh SNAP! Look Marlene, I gotta go. But Imma give you a call, K. (to Alee uncaringly) Cya.

[CHESTER EXITS. JUST AFTER, BEE ENTERS. ALEE AND MARLENE STAND THERE LOOKING TICKED OFF WITH EACH OTHER.]

Act 3

Marlene: What is that look for?

Alee: I don't know you standing there acting special. He was talking to me first, after all.

Marlene: I never said I was special, even though it is true. I mean, the number is right here (waving the slip of paper).

Alee: I got his number too! But HE is coming to the concert with ME. He just calling you cuz you look like a hussie.

Marlene: A hussie? Really? I know how to put myself together. But if you were to learn how to put yo'self together, you wouldn't need some lousy concert tickets to get a date.

Alee: First of, you call that look 'put together'? You in here thinkin' you're a supermodel, but you look like a groupie.

Bee: (starting to giggle in the background)

Marlene: Why you stupid tramp! Look at you!? You don't have the body to wear what you be wearing. But you go ahead and tell yourself whatever you have to. I would if I was ugly.

Bee: (laughing hysterically)

Alee & Marlene: (in unison) WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM OLD LADY?!?

Bee: My problem? Young women are all the same, and they're always falling for the same tricks. Uh-huh, that's right…

[Alee & Marlene looking confused.]

Bee: (cont.) …Every day I see that clown 'round here, trying to pick up women like it's his full-time job. Who hangs out at the bus stop all day, and never goes anywhere?

[Alee and Marlene starting to look like they've been duped.]

Bee: I betcha he left once he realized that I was coming, cuz I'm always ready to out him. Unfortunately for you two, it seems he got to work early today.

Marlene: Why that ignorant ass.

Alee: Haha, you been played.

Marlene: Are you that stupid, he played you too.

Alee: I guess you right, but what are you gonna do with that number?

Marlene: you still want him? I'm throwing this number out.

Alee: You trying to push that joke on me!?! I'm not that stupid.

Bee: Hell, almost every asinine, little girl who's ever stood at this stop has that clown's number. That's the problem with you girls nowadays. You don't see the difference between a sincere man, and a little boy who's trying to jump in your pants with silly lines. I can't believe women these days! They're more concerned with getting attention or looking good than using their heads.

[moment of silence between the two young women while they take in Bee's knowledge.]

Alee: what am I gonna do with this spare ticket now?

Marlene: is the concert any good?

Alee: it's Aerosmith you hussie! (giggling)

Marlene: (looking shocked) really?

Alee: yeah. You wanna go?

Marlene: yeah, let's do it. But let's keep the stupid clowns off each other too. Okay?!?

Alee: Okay.

[Bus arrives. All three women board.]

THE END.

They haten on me, all them (F'ED UP VIDEO!)

They haten on me, all them


Wow, do I really ride public transportation everyday? This shit is CRAZY!

Hey, not everyone has it in them to be a stripper!

9/11?? It was the Phanatic!

 
OMG! This is just horrible, but funny as shit.

Philadelphia Frillies?!?

 

I hate the Yankees, but this picture is pretty funny. :P

Philadelphia Phans Survey! (please fill me out @ www.JHNY-DRKO.com)

Philadelphia Phillies - 2009 World Series Survey (Creative Non-Fiction Piece)

 

1. Are you a Philadelphia Phillies Phan, and do you live in Philadelphia?
   

   
    

2. Do you consider yourself a die-hard fan?
   

   
    

3. Describe your commitment to the Philadelphia Phillies:
   

   
    

4. Tell me about your favorite game this season:
   

   
    

5. What player do you think embodies the spirit of the Philadelphia Phillies image best?
   

   
    

   1. Do you think this season is blessed by Harry Kalas?
      

   
    

6. Did you celebrate at all when the Phillies won the Pennant?
   

   
    

7. Did you think we would make it this far all along?
   

   
    

   1. What made you speculate we wouldn't?
      
   2. What had you convinced we would?
      

      
       

8. How many games have you been to this season?
   

   
    

9. Did you attend any post-season games?
   

   
    

10. Are you planning to attend any World Series games?
    

    
     

11. Does attending a sports bar, in lieu of getting to Citizen's Bank Park, count as attending the game?
    

    
     

    1. Which ones do you go to (besides here)?
       
    2. Which ones do you try to stay away from?
       
    3. What's your best Phillies experience in a sports bar?
       

    
     

12. What does the World Series win in 2008, and the possible chance to repeat in 2009, mean to you??
    

    
     

13. Did you attend the celebration Parade last year?
    

    
     

    1. How would you describe your experience?
       
    2. What was the most incredible thing you saw at the parade?
       

    
     

14. Were you in the crowd at City Hall when the team won the World Series last year?
    

    
     

    1. How would you describe your experience?
       

    
     

15. In what ways have the Phillies proven their devotion to their fans? (Give any examples on how you know the Phillies do something extraordinary for their fan base)
    

    
     

16. In what ways do the Philadelphia Phillies help out their city?
    

    
     

    1. How have you seen the Phillies help out in the economy?
       
    2. How have you seen the Phillies help out in the community?
       

    
     

17. Do you have any thought on the fly-by, fair-weather fan that seems to materialize only in the playoffs or World Series? Are they real fans?
    

    
     

18. Aside from what makes its way to television, have you personally seen an act of violence happen due to Phillies fans, and tell me what you think about these kinds of fans?
    

    
     

19. What do you believe defines the "True Phillies Phan"? What are the strange ways you have seen the Phillies fan pay homage to their team?
    

    
     

20. How would you describe the perfect ending to Philadelphia's current baseball season?
    

    
     

    1. Will you attend this year's parade?
       
    2. What will happen if we lose?
       

       
        

21. Imagine you can say something directly to the Philadelphia Phillies or a single player. What would you say? What would you thank them for?

Send me the check!!! Matt Damon Freaks out!

You have to watch this video!!!

l love my girlfriend, and she loves me!

THE BEST SHOW ON CABLE!!!

Californication Episode 301 “Wish You Were Here”



If you can't see the video, please visit: www.jhny-drko.com

Tanka (ENGL 205, Creative Writing, Professor P. Wright, Fall 2009)

Our tiny canoes
Oars softly clapping, pulling
Through a cobalt sea
The difference between small
And the great blue that surrounds

Golden gods made us
A tribe to rule island seas
Bronze bodies, wet locks
My people, swept in a tide
There! The isle! The Paradise!

An island alter
My mother’s dreams set. “Selah!”
Loved, and made to be
“Panginoon ay Biyaya”
Baptism of holy son.

Placed within the blue
Caressed and carried by bliss
Poseidon’s delight
Cradled me, in limitless
Depths of marvel… I yearn still.

I absconded joy.
Somewhere, secretly it drifts.
Awaiting its kin
Searching horizon afar
Penetrating… the dark deep.

One of the best MASHUPS I've ever heard!

Maybe you were with me at that concert where some forgotten band covered Pink Floyd/"Eye of the Tiger" remix and called it "Pink Eye". Well, this video is much, much better. :P

PROTECT PRIVATE INSURANCE CEOS! IMPEACH OBAMA!!!

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Hitler Loves Taylor Swift! Wants Kanye DEAD!

HEY!!! YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!

Our New Look!

 

Check out the new paintjob on Excitement Video & Toys, Abington, PA!

Always Sunny in Philadelphia!!!

I need to see this movie!

Death From Above 2009

 

I dunno why this is affecting me so much, but it's not often in my life that I meet someone and then the next time I hear of them they're dead. Anyways, here's a facebook snippet of Brooke Beaumont. A total fuckin' shame.

OMFG ROFLMAO! -Hank Moody would be super salty about this title.

I don't think my gf would do this; but considering how little my friends pay attention to my plans, I definitely think this kind of absentmindedness is possible.

I think this guy will be my new dentist.

My Most Recent Experience w/ Philadelphia's Finest Fuckwads.

Dave,

Okay... so I call the Detective's office that Larry informed me about. Some dickwad Detective says that I should call 911 and inform them that my cell phone was stolen. His EXACT words, "Call 911. Have a squad car come out, and file a police report." My retort: "Isn't there another number I could call about this? It's not a dire emergency. I don't want to trouble dispatch with a stolen cell phone." Douchbag: "Again, CALL 911... [CLICK]."

Fuck the Police! Fuck the Police! Fuck 'Em.

This is Armageddon in Philadelphia!

Fuck Your Couches!

While you make pretty speeches
I'm being cut to shreds
You feed me to the lions
A delicate balance

And this just feels like spinning plates
I'm living in cloud cuckoo land
And this just feels like spinning plates
Our bodies floating down the muddy river

Throwdown @ Joanna's!

YES! DeVry can be fun!

I want to thank Dave Matthes, Kevin Nguyen, Casey Derringer, and the rest of the crazies @ DeVry, Fort Washington for recording this internet classic!

Phillies Fireworks (7/10/09)

This was an awesome show. Phillies spanked the Pirates --finally, a Pittsburgh team we don't lose to. Yes, if you didn't figure it out, I hate the Steelers and the Penguins.

Anyways, If you couldn't be there, here's the finale of the fireworks show taken on my Nikon Coolpix camera.

I love you Kaitlyn! Thanks Joanna for the tickets, and thank you Bill for being a crazy and fun-loving guy! We need to do another game, and then do a King's Cup game after!

i'll tell you something, you ain't dyin' enough to know...

 
The last time I was in California, I learned a lot about myself. I'm not even thirty years-old, but something about living my own, personal Californication depressed me. You see, amidst that limitless ocean and vast, blue sky, I felt my world getting smaller --some tumultuous force was crushing down on my dreams. Maybe it was the fact that every fucker in Malibu had more than they even wanted. Maybe it was because I couldn't keep up with the race roaring down the Pacific Coast Highway behind me as I stared off into the blue.

Now, as I sit on the opposite side of world in crummy North Philadelphia, all I want is to get me and my girlfriend back to a truer happiness. A happiness that takes on beating waves headfirst, feels the pull of the rolling waves, and holds on strong... in love. Call me sappy, but this is just Johnny on a lonely night.

I miss my babycakes everyday, and I just want to get her back to the ocean. Hopefully we'll be watching the sun rise on our day next month in Wildwood. Malibu can keep its Ferraris and its Fro Yo. I just want to snuggle with my Ginger and stare out over the beach.

I love you Kaitlyn!

I had a lot of fun on the 4th!

 
 
 
 

Cocoa Rockwell & Excitement Video

 
 
 
 

My Mom & Brother

 
 
 
 

SoHo, Soju, and Samuria Sacuna

 
 
 

My Own Personal Ginger Spice!

 
 
 
 

Getting Crunk a/ AK & the Ladies

 
 
 
 

Cocoa Rockwell: Cover Girl Industry Talk

Dana, or Cocoa Rockwell, is a lot like most 19 year-old college girls I know –smart, hard-working, and building themselves into their place in the working community. Except this particular young woman has been a cover girl for the fetish magazine Leg Show (May 2009). She stopped by the Abington store recently, and agreed to a quick interview about the adult entertainment industry and her budding career. Here is what she had to say:

JJ: So we go to the same college, and that probably keeps you busy. What else are you doing with your time?

CR: I am working a lot. It’s not in the business, just a normal job. I won’t tell you where, but it involves wearing tight jeans and cowboy boots.

JJ: That’s great! Okay, so how do you go from that to lingerie and stockings?

CR: Lingerie is one of my favorite “guilty pleasures”. Putting on sexy stockings or playful lingerie not only makes you look good, it transforms you.

JJ: Seems like you were the perfect person for that magazine. Tell me about your photo shoot and how you made the cover.

CR: That is all thanks to my agent and photographer Tony Ward (see www.TonyWard.com).

JJ: That’s the famous erotic photographer, right? His work is everywhere. How did you meet, and what was it like working with him?

CR: Working with Tony is amazing. I met him through a friend, and he’s like the Dos Equis guy. You know, the “Most Interesting Man in the World.” Throughout shooting he was professional, and he made me feel completely comfortable. I was nervous, but with him there it was like having a good friend holding my hand. That’s probably what makes my experience so extraordinary. Not many women get such a professional and liberating experience when they enter the industry.

JJ: What has changed in your life since the cover?

CR: Outwardly, nothing. My friendships and relationships are still intact. No one looks down on me for this. In fact, most of my friends don’t believe it is me. They are shocked at the transformation in the pictures. But that’s what really changed for me –the transformation in me. I’m a mixed-race girl, and that always led to some confusion for me growing up. This one photo shoot freed me from all those mental trappings, and I was liberated. I never felt surer of myself and my beauty until I saw those photos. My confidence is now bursting out of me.

JJ: So what do you believe the adult entertainment industry is about?

CR: At its core, I believe that the industry provides an outlet for people. There is something for everyone, and everyone can express themselves. I may not like each and every category or genre, but I love that people are expressing themselves and being free.

JJ: So why all the taboo? Is there something the industry isn’t doing, or could be doing more of, to gain the trust of society?

CR: I think the best way the industry can gain the trust of society is for the industry to take care of its aging stars. The aging actors and actresses need to be guarded and taken care of instead of being pushed out of the way for newcomers. What other businesses would stay successful if all they ever did was throw out their veterans? It’s just bad practice.

JJ: Talking about taking care of business, how important is sex education to you? Is the education we have in place now working?

CR: The message of sex education is very important. There are a lot of people suffering from disease, and people destroying other peoples’ lives because of carelessness. A lot of harm can be avoided if people just educate themselves and get tested. Also, the school system needs to update its message. Abstinence may be the best method, but they can’t teach it alone. They need to teach the alternatives that provide safe sex, too.

JJ: Thanks Dana, but let me ask one last question before you go. Cocoa is best served hot on a cold, winter night. What’s the best way to enjoy Cocoa in the hot summer?

CR: The best way to enjoy me in the hot summer? Drizzled over a bowl of vanilla ice cream, eaten while snuggling in bed.

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