it starts with a title.

maybe it seemed that by being together, they could just forget themselves. it was more about feeling nothing than something, because too often... everything just hurt too much.

titles, it seems, are all we really have in the end.

Epic Letdown Sky

I make wishes but am reminded that I can't honestly dream up moments that would be as priceless as the ones that happen. Tonight was miraculous despite the weather, and I had a great time surrounding myself with the people that i did.

Much love to everyone that was there tonight. Thanks for making this an amazing 4th. Thank you... now pass me the TP, and get me a drink. :P

-J.

Pharmaceutical Pains

Waking up on my apartment floor today. I'm reminded of peculiar times of first apartments and insanities forged into friendships. It is odd I know, but these are my friends... and I won't trade them for anything.

In spite of all this, I can't help but feel I'm a little outside of myself these days. The remnants of living life like that, in those drug-addled, shadowy times long past, is this body of flesh that remains scarred and tattered. I constantly challenge and test my life by the quality of my experiences and some mental lucidity to feel emotion and to remain present. It seems it takes a constant war to stay here, and wear this smile.

It is frightening feeling this detached from myself. Happiness and passion are the highs of addiction while macabre and mortality are the merely symptoms of withdrawal that I am left with when pill bottles shake silent and empty, and I am just stuck with the truth of being inhumane.

I'm just a robot. A paranoid android... still calculating incessantly, regardless how skewed the circuitry may be...

call it a cop out, but J.E.W. was on shuffle and repeat all last night, and I can't help believing this song had something to do with how I feel.


///////////////////////////////////////////////

JIMMY EAT WORLD LYRICS

"Pain"

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]
It's a lie. A kiss with open eyes
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are hurried times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Every time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]

I can't let it bother me.

[Guitar Solo]

It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]

Takes my pain
Takes my pain
Takes my pain
Takes my pain away